February 2000

I’m not strong on willpower. I blame willpower for consistency and commitment, two characteristics I cannot identify with. I just don’t get those regulated reliable people who live by the clock and their word – those who eat, sleep and rise at the same time each day; those who stick to New Year resolutions; the chuggers.
I’m more of a bursty type (to borrow a metaphor from datacom), with flashes of heightened activity followed by aeons of dormancy. I could never resolve to learn two mishnas a day, or add 5 minutes a week to a regular exercise program. Arguments like “with this diet you’ll lose a kilo a month for 12 months” hold no sway over me. I’ll starve for 2 weeks then gorge myself; I’ll learn 2 chapters a day and run 4 kilometers a night for a week, then sink self-contentedly into a puffy potato-couch for hibernation.
Hence, after posting a rash of monthly newsletters, this is my sole offering this quarter.
Daddy Did It Again
It’s almost a year since I injured myself in a football match. That’s a long time. So this Friday, in a particularly unspectacular tackle, I did it again. My right big toe bent back to form an acute angle with my foot resulting in swelling, bruising and the occasional yelp. I was quite distraught when an X-ray failed to confirm my diagnosis of a break (never trust an X-ray), but I take comfort from displaying all the symptoms of a broken foot (accentuated limp, ice packs, Chinese oil, pleas for sympathy, a long-suffering silent yet heroic grimace, vacation from work, and an incontrovertible excuse from every imaginable household chore).
Now whatever you do, don’t join the chorus of Boring Old Stiffs who tell me that with a buggered left knee, a jiggered right foot (and possibly a screw loose) it may be time, at my advanced age (36), to hang up my boots. Non-broken bones is one helluva lousy excuse for giving up football. The osteoporosis hasn’t set in all that bad yet, and I promise to drinka pinta milka day. One injury a year isn’t so bad. And my right knee and left foot are still in pristine condition.
Ari, the Sicilian Defense, and Personal Relations in New York
Now get a hold of this. Ari is participating in a worldwide primary school knockout chess competition for children up to 6th grade (age 12) organized by Gary Kasparow and played over the Internet. The competition has divided the world into ten virtual “continents”. The winning team from each continent will travel to New York for the world school championships. The “continent” in which Israel participates includes, in addition to Israel, areas of the US and Russia. Now you understand the use of quotation marks round the term “continent”. Perhaps a more appropriate description would be “non-continent” or an “in-continent”).
One month ago, the notion that the quaint Elkana village primary school could produce a continental champion appeared to us ludicrous. “However”, the chess coach argued, “what distinguishes this competition is not so much quality, but depth”. Although the best player in the Elkana team is ranked only about No. 10 in Israel for his age - hardly the stuff of intercontinental champs - the rest of the team are not so far behind, with 3 of the other 5 being really pretty good. (“Pretty good” is the technical description in the world of chess to describe anyone who can beat me hollow on the chessboard within 30 moves).
That was the logic behind the coach’s initial optimism. Since then, the team has won all 4 of its games by the unequivocal margin of 6 - 0. There are only 8 teams left in our continent, and according to the coach who has analyzed the games of the other remaining teams (all the games can be viewed on a special Internet site), Ari and friends have a very real chance of winning. Next game is tomorrow. More on this later (unless they lose).
Now, at work I’ve undertaken new responsibilities in the field of Public Relations. I draft Press Releases, respond to inquiries, surveys and questionnaires put out by trade analysts and financial analysts. I also provide company and product profiles for different consultancy publications, Internet sites, analysts and so on. And in my free time I ghost- write the occasional article for publication in trade journals.
At some unspecified time in the near future, I am supposed to spend a few days with our PR agency, which is conveniently located in New York, to learn more about how to make good Public Relations. (I wonder if any of the tips I pick up there will help improve my Private Relations?). Anyway, if the children do make it to New York, I’ll try to make our trips coincide.
Simchas, Only Simchas
We celebrated Independence Day this week by rising at 6am to travel south to Arad for the batmitzva of my niece Naomi (Aubrey and Ruthie’s daughter). This was the first adulthood initiation ceremony of my parents’ grandchildren – the first of 16 bar- and batmitzvas planned for the next 12 years.
Naomi’s was a unique batmitzva. It lasted 12 hours, starting with a celebratory shacharit in the style of Shlomo Carlebach led beautifully by Alick, followed by a wonderful and wet tiyul for c. 40 people to Ein Bokek near the Dead Sea led by Naomi, and capped with an evening “do” in a hotel in Arad featuring Naomi’s younger sister Shalva as the finest and funniest MC I’ve heard in years. The batmitzva deserves a newsletter of its own – but that’s Aubrey’s responsibility.
Before the last of the remaining 15 bar/bat-mitzvas ceremonies is done, I hope to be reporting on the first Isaacs weddings. And if the Wholly-Won-Blest-bee-he wills it, we should know only every-multiplying frequencies of simchas for many years to come. I’m taking out a second mortgage to cover the gifts.
Michael – the Rabbi – in Brief
Since we spoke last, I have given 2 shiurim. This in itself is newsworthy, as I normally average about 1 very reluctant shiur a decade. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but I thought the subjects were quite cool and a synopsis may pique some interest. (A gratifying reaction to the title of the shiur would be “Oooh, that sounds interesting”.)
The first shiur reviewed halachic approaches to the use of animals in scientific research (altogether now: “Oooh, that sounds interesting”). A synopsis of the conclusions follows:
· Medical?- OK; Non-medical?– hmmmm; and always be nice.
The second shiur concerned the Song of Moses after the parting of the Red Sea. I’ll borrow the synopsis here from a joke that has made its way around email circles many times as a summary of all Jewish festivals:
· They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s eat.
Ta-ta for now. Wishing you all Happy Independence Day
Michael, Judy, Ari, Elon, Naftali and Orli Isaacs